Sorry for the silence…It has been quite crazy recently. To sum it up, basically I have had deadlines, then a test, and then a small time to relax (during which time I had to get up to date with my studies….which I let go to pot before) then hospital appointments, all while suffering insomnia…
my dear, my dear…
HOW THE HELL ARE MUSE FOLLOWING YOU ON TWITTER?!
edit: ahhhhhh… they’re not. xD sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s not muse’s official account. xDD
I’ve been debating with myself about making this post because I don’t want to seem petty and political in the wake of a disaster like this, but as a health sciences student, I also feel, to an extent, morally obligated to let people be informed.
A bunch of people on my flist have been offering fic up for the livejournal community help_japan. I’m not a ficwriter, but I thought I’d offer what I could this time, as I couldn’t do anything for the last one.
So I’m doing cross-stitched sprites. Any game, although I’m most familiar…
Oh hey there internet, I see how much you guise love your fandoms. Ever loved a character / person so much that you just HAD to have a 1-inch clay representation of them in your life? LOOK NO FURTHER! I have teamed up with the lovely people at the help_japan community on Livejournal to bring you a Chibi Charm Auction! And what’s better- all the proceeds go to charities helping Japan through this terrible time.
As far as I know, you do need a Livejournal account to be able to place a bid. But don’t let this deter you! LJ accounts are free, should you wish to make one for this purpose. Simply reply to my post, with the amount you would like to bid. Highest bidder wins! Money is then paid NOT TO ME, but directly to the charity. Simple, and for a good cause- what more could you ask for? :D
Also! The lovely Thirteenthesia is offering awesome characher cross-stitches at the same community. Go check her stuff out! :D
It’s Saturday. 14:45pm. Surrounding me on my desk are the things I love; paint, my sketchbook, music, movies, glow-in-the-dark sheep. Niggling away in the back of my mind are the thoughts that I should be doing something. What, though? Homework? Draw a drawing, paint a painting, watch a movie? I consider each of the options carefully. I conclude that homework would be the best option, even if it is the one I least want to do.
The thing I least want to do. Should that even still be the case at university? University means something. It means you are studying a subject you love. That you are passionate about, as you write in your personal statement. University students want to work. They love to read up on their subject. They study for tests and don’t flunk. They love their subject and their subject rewards them.
From a young age I was told that I must do well. I must succeed. Excelling academically was the most important thing to me in secondary school. If I did even a little badly, I failed. I could never let that happen. I strived for A*s and 100%s, to know as many things as possible, to solve problems and to be a good student. All, however, without a purpose.
What did I want to be good at? Everything. If there was one thing I wasn’t good at, I failed.
Being an all-rounder, however, meant there was nothing I was particularly good at. I didn’t get higher marks in the subjects I loved just that bit more; on the contrary, throughout my last two years at secondary, I nearly failed them.
Wearing my scraped passes with pride I stumbled into a physics degree, a little uncertain, but sure that physics was going to be my way forward. I didn’t know what I was going to do with this degree but it was going to be Sciency. Academic. Prestigious. I enjoyed my first-year lectures, endured the panic that came with the end-of-year exams, and wasn’t too far off a first. Things were good. Physics was going to be the way forward.
If a physicist wants to go anywhere in their career, they need a placement, preferably in a lab. I applied for a placement on a whim. I still didn’t know whether I wanted to go into research or not, but hey, how much more scientific can you get than being a researcher? I figured that was a good career choice. I strengthened my resolve and said yes, I will apply for this placement. Last week I had an interview with some scientists from the National Physical Laboratory. They specialise in measuring things. Quantum physics. Quantum physics interests me, but, being the good all-rounder in physics that I most certainly am, it doesn’t interest me any more than any other area in physics. If it didn’t become apparent to the scientists on the panel, it definitely became apparent to me.
This interview, although insignificant in the grand scheme of things, may actually be a turning point in my life. It isn’t that I no longer have a larger than casual interest in physics; It’s that I no longer have a larger than casual interest in anything. Something changed within me, during first year. My interest in physics was dwindling. What scares me is that nothing is rekindling in its place.
Art. Ah, art. The very nature of this tumblr is an artistic one. I’m really good at art, aren’t I? Drawing and making things that rely so heavily on inspiration from other sources that one might question whether it was my own work in the first place. Clearly, I am not an artist.
I am confused. I do not know anymore what I enjoy, what I want to do, where I want to be. A fitting statement to close with would be something that my English teacher once told me: essentially that I would never be anything special, I would never come up with any new, brilliant ideas, because that is just the way I am.
If that doesn’t point to a lifetime in retail, I don’t know what does.
TL;DR: I’m having a quarter-life crisis, someone call the waaaambulance.